My Creative Struggle VIII

Saturday 19/08/17 | 11:54am

It’s been a while since I’ve written an entry for this series, but as I reflect on the week I’ve had, I think it’s extremely fitting that I continue and add to it.

I want to be all about the real talk so I’m going to take you back to last Sunday where I was enjoying an evening of music with my bro @ricky.saunders. We started making music together and jamming but I was in a totally blocked mindset where I just didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t want to do music I was just feeling rough and out. However, @ricky.saunders wasn’t letting me give up that easy and he helped me to get out of the rut and by the end of it we had penned something pretty cool.

I went to work the next day and started my first ever 5 day work week. This is a pretty big deal because of how much I despise the 9-5 culture, especially when you’re doing it and find yourself trapped.
Anyway, that day was just rough. I felt really bummed out. I had started to feel like I didn’t know what I was doing making music anymore and really doubting myself. I don’t know if this was because I was comparing myself to others or whether it’s because I’m working more but I just felt like I really wasn’t good enough. I didn’t want to make music for the fun of it I just wanted to give in. And so I let myself go a little bit this week. I made some decisions that don’t align with who I am or who I want to be as a person and I made the decisions more than once.

From there I really just dug deeper into that rut and it sucked.

However, I took myself to the park and journalled realising that I’ve been so self-centred for months and that I have been going crazy in my head.
One thing that helped get my head out of such a doubtful state was actually praying for the success of others. Speaking positivity into the lives of my friends around me. Taking me out of the equation for once. It actually felt incredible. But this wasn’t the only thing to turn me around.

Seriously a huge piece of relatable art for me. I’m so grateful. 

It was Wednesday when things really started to take shape. I finished work earlier and decided to go back and listen to @logic301‘s 2nd mixtape ‘Young Sinatra’ while going for a run. And man, that felt so good. I actually just went for it. And the words he spoke felt so relatable, and it made me realise that all of these things in my life I actually want. I want the fame, I want the fortune, I want the really nice things. I want to live a life that’s larger than normal. That’s greater than the average. And he said it with a passion in this mixtape, but also related his life to how much he had to work at it, and how much he does work at it. I think I get so confused sometimes because even though I love the music it’s not always happy fun time when you’re working on it all the time. So, I guess, I came to terms with that, and I felt stronger because of it. I’m doing better in my head from listening to his works and I’m feeling better about myself for digging my teeth in and getting back into the work more than I have been. I feel like so much of my problem has been that I’m thinking a lot, a huge deal, and not spending enough time acting and bringing to fruition my life.
It was a low for me… So yeah, I’m grinding myself out of it and am so thankful for all of the people that are around me and in my life right now. Much love to you all.

Thank you.

And as I conclude, if you’ve struggled in a similar away I’d love it if you hit me up.
For me being open about this shit is one huge way I get through it.



Oaklands II

Tuesday 08/08/17 | 4:49am

Waddup! I’m writing early today because ya boy has to bounce and make some dollars to keep this music thing going. So I decided before I left to get some words out and share the events of my weekend! In short I attended the Marvel Exhibit, Travy P’s EP launch, Oaklands II and a birthday party all in two days. However while I was chilling with my homie @mel.tothe.rose at @oaklandsbne a penny dropped, and I decided because I enjoy writing I would review the performance of the next artist to take the stage. That just so happened to be @Apemanshit.

To give you some back story, Apeman was the first guy I heard about who was making waves in Brisbane as a rapper. He runs a show on 4ZZZ (A Primate Evolved), works with an array of up and coming artists and releases his own music. The guy has helped me in a number of ways as I’ve started to make my entry into the scene and his set on Saturday proved why everybody should get to know Apeman.

Frankly I was messed up Saturday afternoon, there was very little energy inside of me that I was willing to use to wig out in this set since I’d attended Travy P’s gig earlier that morning. However, with strides of confidence Ape took to the stage and quickly assembled everyone around me front and centre. I joined in and tried to muster my energy as I prepared for the onslaught I knew had to follow. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before @tomtom.allg spun the decks and I literally witnessed a human transform into King Kong. B-a-n-a-n-a-s.

One thing I couldn’t help but admire as I bopped up and down feeling 110% legless, was the relentless commitment to his Ape image that merged seamlessly into his Electronic Punk Rap performance. No joke, it wasn’t the crowd that determined how he performed it was his performance that determined the actions of the crowd. He unapologetically did his thing, and the crowd stayed with him the whole way, through the mosh moments and all.

Apeman 6
The guy who makes beats with me took this photo… @mel.tothe.rose

As an artist who also has an ‘image’ I definitely looked up to his delivery @oaklandsbne and felt that in terms of interaction I could learn a lot from the Ape. Being a Professor and all, studying is everything.

My fave track had to be Rocky X it got me fired up the most.

If you’ve spotted this guy around BNE before holla!

Professor Paul