Nicotine Fiend Feat. SAB

14/06/17 | 8:07am
– NICOTINE FIEND –
In this blog I want to open up about the meaning behind my verse. Put it all on the table. It’s embarrassing and to others might seem stupid, but let’s go!

Ya’ll who don’t know me, I don’t smoke. So I’m not a Nicotine Fiend. However, earlier this year after I’d just split with my girlfriend, moved houses, changed jobs and released my second single ‘flo’ I started to slip. I didn’t slip into drugs or alcohol cause I’m not about that, but I slipped to something that I am about, food. To give you context, at this stage I was scheduling my life from the AM to the PM and put a lot of hours into my music. It required a fair amount of discipline and as I continued to try and balance these things I slowly started giving into comfort. Before I knew it food was one of the most prominent things on my mind, because it gave me a relief from the pressure. I let myself go a couple times and I distinctly remember eating a box of cookies, a bag of chips downing an energy drink and going through cheap coles tim tams like they were nothing in one sitting. That was my first crazy binge. And honestly, it was awful. From this moment it only got worse and I continued the behaviour. I started to reading ‘Brain Over Binge’ by Kathryn Hansen to try and change what I’d just dug myself into but even when I was really giving it a go, I would cave and wake up the next day not hungry. For about a week I didn’t know what hunger felt like anymore. It was actually scary. At this point I was fed up with how I was treating myself and my body, fed up that I wasn’t making a change. So I started to write. The first half of my verse is really a pent up frustration of the battle of overcoming my new found addiction to food. The second half came a little later on when I had gotten myself into a slightly better situation. It embodies my determination to overcome the addiction and not let it hold me down from smashing my dreams and goals. This has probably been the biggest emotional struggle for me this year.

I had people telling me left, right and centre that I shouldn’t worry about it, because it’s just food. You know, how can food be that bad for you. But I don’t think they understood the principle that ANYTHING can be addictive, and when you’re addicted to something it’s not a casual affair, it’s damn controlling! So no offence to those people but I didn’t listen to their advice, because eating habits once their learned will be carried on until you break them, and I knew that if I kept the habit of binge eating I would be the new Biggie. Much love to Biggie but that’s not how I see myself in the future in terms of size and weight. I happily see myself as becoming the rapper that he was, that dude is an OG bossman.

Even recently I have struggled to some degree with eating too much, however, I won’t tolerate binge eating now. I won’t tolerate eating bad foods regularly in my diet. I won’t tolerate relying on caffeine for long periods of time. I won’t tolerate it. Because if I do I will never beat my habits for the long term.
So, Nicotine Fiend is really Paul the Food Fiend.

My homie @searnbarness pipes in with his verse that gets me so G’d up. He really brings home the relentless attitude and paints a picture of what I want my life to look like. I’m inspired by his verse and in this process have learned a lot from him.
We actually go way back to Zephyr Street Acoustic club. I was 14 and he was 13 when we first met playing guitar in Hervey Bay. The guy oozes enthusiasm and has been truly a person I’ve enjoyed having in my inner circle. You are who you hang around, and I hope I have become a little more like Sean. He’s also predominantly 1/2 of SeaNic Sounds.

Anyway, this song is for you, if you struggle and feel like achieving something is impossible. This is us saying no matter what it is you can achieve it and it is worth it. For now and for the future.

I really love you for reading this, and if it relates to you please DM, comment, share, or like. I know I’m not the only one who goes through hard times and I love talking ’bout them, we all need to.

Life is uncomfortable, but we grow when we endure it so hang in there.

@professor_paul

Feature photo shot by @becshoots

My Creative Hustle VI

Thursday 08/06/17 | 9:51am

On Tuesday this week I realised just how much shit I’m in. I haven’t done anything wrong in terms of law, but I really got some perspective on the mountain I’m trying to climb.

It all started when I decided to head to a free APRA night in the valley where some guest speakers talked about accounting and tax for musicians/bands. I was fine, managing to get my head around the tax wasn’t too tricky, but as soon as @deenamusic started her presentation on budgets I could feel the intensity rise in my stomach. She was so REAL! I loved it, not sugar coating a dollar. Her experience working with @thejunglegiants was used as an example and the numbers were crazy. It really opened my eyes. It really made me realise where I am right now. Grassroots. I’m talking, it costs $20+ thousand to tour kinda numbers, where you break even or lose money. That’s what I made last year working 2 to 3 jobs. I have a big climb ahead.

The hunger inside of me begun to grow. My bike ride home consisted of ‘I can do this’ chanting in the cold wind. There’s nothing I want to do more than make rap music that I can tour and share with others, which made me realise all of the challenges ahead have to be faced and have to be climbed. I don’t have another option. So I tell myself I can do it. Because I know that I can and I want to.

This morning has been tricky. I am making a commitment to posting daily on social media, something I’ve never done before, and it’s cool but on the inside I’m totally freaking. I can feel the growing pains from so many directions right now. Rap, Blog, Vlog, Social Media. It’s crazy. I find that all I can do is grit my teeth and keep going. It’s definitely fun, and I enjoy making stuff but it’s also extremely hard. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m literally just trying to better myself in every area I can.

I am smiling at the same time though, knowing that this is forcing me to grow is amazing. Because I’m out of my comfort zone, and that purely means I’m going to grow and I’m getting closer to that tour. I’m getting closer to that hit song. I’m getting tested. If I can push through this and the million other moments like it I can do anything. I already know that I can do anything.

If you see me looking all stressed out, I’m feeling intense but I am loving it. I couldn’t be more grateful for these challenges ahead of me. I am totally on the verge of crippling myself in copious amounts of escapism and binge eating, but I won’t. I will tough this out because that’s how my mum raised me, and what I’m fighting for is bigger than myself.

I’ve been reading ‘Jab, Jab, Jab Right Hook’ by @garyvee this week.
@_Instagav, @_dyllinger and @pineapplejam are still camping out in my lounge room. I love  having them around. And also @carlostrebilcock has been an insane help getting ‘Life Of PP’ off the ground. 100. We’re all keeping it 100. Also, big love to @becshoots for capturing my latest single artwork with @seanbarness. Seriously excited to put ‘Nicotine Fiend’ on the table.

And you, thank you for reading some of my story. I hope you keep up with the weekly updates and find it valuable to your life.

Even though life is crazy, I love you,

Professor Paul

My Creative Hustle – IV

22/05/17 8:18pm

Good evening, I say eloquently,

and welcome to another instalment of my life. Produced by me, acted by me and edited by none other than, me.

This is a me affair, and if you’re wondering why all the fuss of dilly dallying, I couldn’t quite tell you. I’m merely rattling off the contents of my brain straight to the page. Sure, that may be encouraged by the cheap white wine I am currently sipping on, but typically I don’t even know what to expect when it comes to my brain. So what the heck!

Lately I admit my focus has been vlog orientated and the attention I’ve given to writing about my life and documenting my hustle has been put slightly on the back burner. So I am very eager to be writing right now.

This last week has been interesting and I’m going to touch on it because I am grateful of the progress made. To sum it up I made headway with my latest single, which by the time of this blog’s release will be announced, it’s title: ‘Nicotine Fiend’. It features my homie @seanbarness, who I am so thankful to have worked with, as he has taught me so much about being a rapper indirectly by purely being a hardcore OG in and out the booth.
This week I also worked with @chloeminogue and @kevincollette on their respective tracks, etching out some solid demos layer by layer.
Something I realised, whilst working with both of these awesome people is that for a while there I wasn’t fully engaged in their projects as their producer. While this blog was still ‘My Creative Struggle’  most of my energy was spent entirely on my own project, which I am grateful for, however it really stunted my ability to grow. I believe this was the case because I wasn’t fully immersing myself into everything that I was doing for them. I was only making an effort on their projects because I’d signed up to them, not because I wanted to be the bomb and make killer music. Now that I look back on that it’s rather evident that I want to commit to these guys all of the way, for I know that I will not produce anything of value if I don’t. It’s either all in or not at all, binary, 1’s and 0’s. Truth be told that’s a phrase I picked up from @GaryVee this afternoon in his vlog. But it’s true, you’re either full hustle or nothing at all, because it’s not possible to have half your body in the water, you’re either in the water or you’re not.

GOkue
This made an addition to my wardrobe mirror collection, as Goku really developed my hardworking mindset. I loved that he would grit his teeth and overcome everything he set his mind to in DBZ. Definitely a childhood favourite worth remembering. (Sure I used to pull constipated faces regularly as I tried to go super sayan but hey… It was worth it). 

Maintaining exercise a little each day, has helped in terms of remaining more emotionally stable for me this week. I’ve got a chart that has a workout for everyday of the week blue tacked to my wall which kept me in check easily. I’m pretty sure it’s meant for the ladies, but I liked werkin’ dat ass and don’t care which neighbour saw through my balcony door at 4:45am (please take a seat). I recommend it to anyone who doesn’t have much time, but needs a clear head. Check it here. (If you have a killer routine that you follow, please link it to me <3)

As you also might know I made a commitment to eating healthier too. This is fuelled by the fact that I want to be an absolute machine rapper and life liver for the long haul, and the other truth that I HAVE treated my body poorly at times this year. An example, I had a family pack of Arnott’s biscuits set aside for my cuppa’s this week. Finished, in two days, gone. This was over Saturday and Sunday night. Definitely wasn’t an encouraging moment considering I hadn’t been that overboard with food in a while. However I’m more determined than ever to stay on track with meal preps and committing to keeping my eating in line. More pumpkin soup to come this week, that stuff is liquid gold.

This week  an area of my life that has been on my mind is scheduling. It got a bit out of hand at the start of the year and I’ve been hesitant to start again, but I know if I’m going to make the most of my time on this earth and do the things that I want to, I’ll need to schedule. It might seem like an overkill, but realistically I must make the effort to try. My time spent not at work isn’t always free, and I’ve got to allocate it wisely, to maximise the life that I do live. This time I am going to incorporate days off. Something I didn’t do prior. After last week it was evident that having rest really has it’s place as I stepped back and took Saturday and Sunday off. Working everyday, either at work on music is easy for me to do and get caught up in. Taking time off, really refreshed my perspective, I need this if I’m going to reach my goals.

Those were the key points in my week that I could think of tonight, so I’ma wrap it up with a quick message before I head off and do some reading. I want to say thank you. To everyone that’s in my life right now. Honestly, life looks very different now to what it did a year ago and I have been missing that past of late, however, I want to be grateful for what I have now. What is happening NOW is special, and all of you who are apart of my life and what I do are the reason that NOW is the best chapter.

The day I say I’m not in the best chapter of my life, is the day I’m not grateful enough to see what’s really good around me. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side, but really it’s greener where you water it. – @scott_loveday (not the original owner of this quote, but the man that has really taught it to me this past year)

Peace and love my brothers and sisters,

Professor Paul

My Creative Hustle – III

Sunday | 14/05/17 | 5:01am

Come on in friend,

I’ma give you the recount about my week since being in the studio with @silknoak.
I’ve really just been going HAM and jammin’ a bunch into my days, so here’s what’s been doing.

Monday night my man @_dyllinger who you may remember as one of the three musketeers (@_instagav and @pineapplejam) I met in a Melbourne alleyway about a month ago bought a plane ticket to Brisbane and was getting in Tuesday! This flipped me out, and really my week took an interesting turn. @_dyllinger  stayed with me for a few nights and since he is a photo enthusiast we went and did a fair amount of scouting for potential shots. I think we exhausted the Coorparoo area rather quickly, and spent most of our time in carparks, until the notion of pizza was raised. In that moment, we seized @dominos and trekked to the top of Wellington Street taking in the incredible city views. It was a chill, literally though, my nips were freezing again.

DSC00226-2
@_dyllinger shot this in Coorparoo Woolworths carpark!

Not only was I lucky that my friend was keen on hip-hop and photos but the Welshman loved a good Star Wars film too and had yet to see @rogue_one_official! So we ventured down the hill and lined that up, it was probably 11pm. With intentions of rising at 4am the next morning I still decided Star Wars was a good idea. However, before I knew it @_dyllinger woke me up from my snoring slumber and wisely suggested I should get to bed! Not my proudest moment, I SWEAR I DON’T SNORE EVER! (Except this one time).

 

On Wednesday I had the boys @seanbarness and @melrose. around working on a new track. @seanbarness features on a verse and was laying down the final takes. By the end of the session we were all pretty psyched on the direction of the song, and the rest of the process seemed simple, record my final takes, mix and master. You’ll be hearing more about this project soon, I’m really keen to show it to you. One because it’s a new song and I can’t wait to flex again, but more than anything this goes deep into some of the struggles I had at the start of the year with bing eating.

@seanbarness is a true homie to me, and we go way back to performing at the local Sunday open mic night in Hervey Bay, so it was so cool to work with him. SAB brings his own spin on the vibe that really gets me fired up. Reals excited to share.

In the afternoon I cooked up a frittata, something I have never done before and honestly it was a good experience to branch out (all thanks to googling ‘Lunch’. Cheers @taste_team)! Thanks to my Wales friend he had me sorted with beats and we had a jammin’ afternoon chatting. This lead to suiting up and heading into the city for a bit of photo shenanigans. I also wasn’t the greatest tour guide that night so we did a lot of wandering, and ended up having a pint of Bulmers together @pignwhistleofficial. Upon leaving the establishment my feather weight relationship with alcohol became apparent and I was one tipsy Professor doin’ a slight bit of stumbling as we moved our way further into the Valley. That aside it was pretty cool roaming around, I finally tried @deathbeforedecaf247 at approx. 10pm… Yes, I had a flat white and yes, I buzzed hard. Since I hadn’t had a proper cup of coffee for at least a week my body straight away reacted to the SINGLE shot so much that even after a few hours of sleep when I woke I was STILL buzzing.

IMG_3054
A Still from my vlog footage on Wednesday night reppin’ my @deathbeforedecaf247 flatty! @_dyllinger is working on those neon lights in my glasses.

Thursday night was hanging with my bro @kevincollett and working on his music. It was real nice to catch up and be making progress. However after the catch up I was hungry to do more photos so we scouted AGAIN in Coorparoo, despite having work the next day…
This week has been jam packed and still there’s more!

We travelled a good hour and setup seats to watch @silknoakshow on Friday night where I got to witness first hand the hard work and dedication that @silknoak put into throwing their own show. It was inspiring because only 5 weeks before I was around when @ricky.saunders and @troysaunders were getting the ball rolling. I was definitely proud to say that those dudes were my house mates and more importantly friends. @ricky.saunders truly has become a close friend of mine since the start of the year and watching them pull it off was really special. A mass shoutout to @scott_loveday and his wife @christina757 for the ride out to Boonah, I’m always a fan of hanging with you guys.

Reflecting on this week, @_dyllinger and @scott_loveday wisely advised that I should slow up and take an opportunity to rest. Admittedly I was running most days on 3 hours of sleep and jamming a bunch in without any down time. Long-term that’s just not gonna fly, even after 4 or 5 days my general motor skills were really starting to get out of whack. So I took their advice and had a chill day Saturday, and plan to put that in my schedule for this week too.

I definitely get carried with working a lot and going HAM on rap. Which I love, but in the grand scheme I wanna be the cross country rapper, not the 100m rapper.

Stay true,

Professor Paul

p.s. If you feel the same about working too much or not enough hit me with a message/comment/Snap (Tooooomato 5o’s) Keep at your dreams ❤ 

IMG_3056
Just a lil’ onstage snap of @silknoak. Hit up @silknoakshow for more pics of the event!

My Creative Hustle – II

Saturday | 06/05/17 | 12:58pm

Sup homes,

to paint a picture of what I’m up to right now, I’m sitting on the couch at The Barn Recording Studio in the middle of flippin’ nowhere. Well it’s somewhere, but let’s just say I can’t ride a bike to where we’re at. It’s secluded. To the right of me there is a mixing desk about 3/4’s the size of my body, to the left of me @lachlanholdorf is doing his engineering log book and in the huge recording room in front @Troysaunders is laying down a bass fill.
To be honest, it feels very cool being in this space. I woke up today and looked out of the cottage window and immediately couldn’t believe that I was living this out. Being in a studio and creating music is totally the dream. I mean I do this anyway on a day to day basis in my own room, the difference is there’s other people involved and the music I’m working on is somebody else’s. I don’t think I really appreciate that I create music as much as I could. It’s really such a wonderful thing that I do and man, I’m so grateful for it and my idols that continue to inspire me. If there wasn’t a @Logic, @Eminem or @champagnepapi I really would be lost.

Anyway, I didn’t spend too much time on the post yesterday so it’s currently Sunday the 7th of May and I’m sitting at the grand piano with my laptop. There’s an array of fancy, cool, expensive microphones setup in this place and lots of freedom to roam/lounge around. We literally slept in the studio last night and I was lucky enough to take refuge in @rickysaunders’ swag that was warm and comfy.
But To get you up to speed yesterday the boys @silknoak laid down the beds to both tracks we’re working on. This took some time to get right because it’s really critical that the foundation is solid. Realistically that’s the most important part of the song, because if the base isn’t right it doesn’t matter how much fancy sprinkles you put on top it won’t taste good. Think about it, would you eat dog poo if it had mnm’s and marshmallows on top? I wouldn’t! So why would you listen to music if there’s no togetherness? You probably wouldn’t, unless you were at my place and I was showing you my dog poo. If we become friends there’s a good chance I’ll do that, and even let you smell it if you’re lucky.

Okay let’s bring it back.

Because the focus was on Bass, Guitar and Drums yesterday my role as the Trumpet man was temporarily disarmed (enter Mr. Documentarian!). This was pretty cool, I just hung around and shot footage while the boys bantered and did some serious slugging. Oh, and I had the privilege of grabbing @lachlanholdorf’s cymbals for ‘Virus’, the second song they tracked. This was pretty cool, I genuinely enjoyed the job and it meant I got to stare at some dope drum playing close up for most of the afternoon. It was a long day but realistically I chilled. Right now @becccaahhhh is laying down some keys while I wait to lay trumpet on the jam.

FullSizeRender 2
I was jus’ playin’ the fool cause I thought the grand piano was cool. – shot by @rickysaunders

In the back of my head I’m thinking about coffee. There’s a little brewing machine that takes ground coffee and the teams been banging it down. I really am excited to do the same except I’ve been limiting my intake lately. I know it sounds precious but when I have coffee, I go bloody nuts most times, and with this gross head cold hanging round it’s maybe not the wisest thing to do. I also tend to rely on it for helping me with my general mood, like I feel better when I have coffee so I drink more of it. And then I drink too much and wake up with a mad coffee hangover. So yeah, I’m gonna be all good just right now I’m having a little low in my energy and emotional feels. I’ll probably smash out a little workout in half hour or so. Not having coffee is not the end of the world. Obsession over.

@Troysaunders and I just did a quick workout which felt super good, it definitely got my mind off the coffee and hit me with a shot of dopamine. Straight after that @rickysaunders comes out of the control room raring to do some vocal takes and we go up to the cottage to steam some water for lubing the vocal chords and run my super quick warm-up routine (la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaa).

We spent the rest of the day laying down what we could, but quickly realised that there was a shortage of time on our hands and we were going to go over.
By the time we’d put the last take down it was approx. 7:30pm and we’d run two and a half hours overtime. 
However, some serious progression with both songs had abounded and although it was clear more time needed to be spent polishing them and adding extra tracks head way really had been made.

@rickysaunders and @Troysaunders are very dedicated individuals when it comes to music and even though it’s not quite where they want it, they will work to finish the tracks no matter what it takes. Their drive for music is at it’s core very similar to mine.

So we packed down and it was around 9pm when the lock was set on the Barn. We drove home and shared our perspectives of the weekend, concluding that the week ahead was only going to be bigger for them as they gear up for the @thesilknoakshow on Friday.
It was also truly enjoyable sharing some late night subway together. (I really am thankful, the bro’s came through and shouted me a pulled-pork footlong!!! I love you guys).

The experience for me was great for my creativity. Not to mention a perfect environment for the hustle. I’m going to eat my dinner now, thank you for reading and as always I’d love to know about your experiences, please share in a comment, message or snapchat (Tooooomato 5o’s).

love, just love,
Professor Paul

P.s. I made a vlog of the weekend, so you can see first hand what it was like in the studio here. 

 

My Creative Struggle VI

– BREAKTHROUGH –

23/04/17

2:58pm: Today I made coffee’s and really felt like I smashed my latte art game. Crafting a tulip that didn’t look like a wrangled piece of puffy cloud… But as I came home after a pretty big day I recalled a few thoughts I had Friday afternoon at the Coops Skatepark.

It was pretty bare which meant an easy afternoon ride in terms of not getting absolutely obliterated from crossing someones path. I mean I’m the kinda dude that really would benefit from some traffic lights at that place. Jus’ sayin’. Anyway, I was just having a gander and admiring the other tricks being laid down at the park  until I noticed another guy skating who was just a bit different from the rest of us. Not different as in looks or skin colour etc. His attitude and behaviour was different. For the most part I was chill even when I fucked up simply because I know that I’m a total beginner and it’s going to take a long while for me to land tricks. Most of the other dudes seemed to be similar. But the skater dude I’m talking about was intensely absorbed by what he was doing that any wrong move was taking a toll on him. He was totally focused on landing a couple specific tricks and they just weren’t coming, which is fine in the grand scheme of things, cause let’s face it, skating is hard. However you could tell that each failed trick over the span of about 1/2 an hour was starting to really tick him off, so much so that he had literally just landed a dope grind, and went for a flick trick, failed, and progressed to stomping on his board… YOU JUST LANDED A GRIND!!! In this moment something crazy stood out to me and it was like the pin finally dropped in my head.

SBoard
This is not at the skatepark I just think the board looks cool from up here. Swag.


For the last couple months I have been the frustrated, board stomping skater dude. Except you could say I was the frustrated, saliva spitting rapper dude.
I realised in that moment, that I was skating and it was fun because I had no expectations of actually landing the tricks I was trying. Sure, I definitely wanted to, otherwise I wouldn’t be trying, but when I failed it wasn’t like, “YOU IDIOT, STUPID BOARD, TOM STOMP BOARD”.  That day I actually was landing tricks, not heaps but enough to make me feel like I was slowly improving, it was a fulfilling feeling. But I realised I’ve been the frustrated rapper dude who has expected the world of myself because I am trying to be the best, and let’s face it, the next @kendricklamar. So to me creating itself had lost it’s fun. I was putting my creativity through gruelling six hour sessions of writing/rapping and literally the only expectation was, be the best. Not just, have fun, rap and make something. It was like “you can’t afford to just make something when you’re trying to run the game, you can’t settle for anything less”.

Let me get this straight, I don’t want to settle for anything less, however when I’m trying to make music I think it’s a different story. You can’t force good songs, at least that’s what I’ve heard from people like @Kendricklamar, @Vincestaples and @Elizabeth_gilbert_writer. You can only attempt to create. Something I realised was that most of the time I’m going to fall off my skateboard or struggle to write a full verse,  and I’m not always going to be able to land a new trick in a day or write full tracks everyday but it’s letting myself be okay with that, and not expect so much. Sure, I can expect myself to get up and spend time on music but I can’t expect myself to write the next best song, or else I’m going to be the frustrated, saliva spitting rapper dude. That shit sucks.

“Appreciate more, and expect less each day.”@tonyrobbins

To some up, I looked at the skater dude the other day and thought, I get it. This makes total sense now, I have to expect less from myself making music like when I’m skateboarding. I don’t think it matters how good you become, because no joke I kept thinking in my head “I’ve done all of this work, I’m technically good enough, why I can’t I write this hit song” (As my frustration heightens) only to now realise that it don’t matter how technically good you are, it doesn’t mean you can put that song on paper. I haven’t been relaxed, I haven’t been open. In fact I’ve been tense and hard. I’ve experienced the feeling before too of getting carried away in music, I personally feel soft and malleable like a gooey marshmallow just giving way to the ebb and flow of a new idea. I really haven’t let myself have that.

So homie, I’ll touch on this again and let you know how I go changing my mind states.
If you have any thoughts on creative living or personally have a story, please get in touch with me here, or via @professorpaulcrawls Facebook page.

Luh you from the sea to the shore,
Professor Paul.

(I just introduced a new member to the family on @professor_paul insta, go ahead and meet him!)

My Creative Struggle V

Thursday 20/04/17 | 1:35pm

Sup homes,
I am actually a nervous ball of energy in this moment. The only way I can describe it is that I’m excited and freaked out at the same time. Weird. Like, I feel like I can own the world but I’m scared to start. Let me give you some context.

Yesterday it dawned on me that I really haven’t been taking control of my financial future. A big motivation for me leaving university was reading “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki. It flipped my whole perspective on money and had such a profound effect on me that I knew I really didn’t need a degree to achieve what I wanted in life. I just needed myself and a good mindset.
Anyway, I was having some well earned lunch after writing a new verse, accomplishing a Top Rock dance move and just having a genuinely ‘inspired’ morning. I sat down and put on a Gary Vee vlog feat. Tony Robbins (I have a Tony Robbin’s book unread in my book shelf at this stage so I was curious). I quickly realised in the first 10 minutes of their 1/2 hr conversation that what I’d set out to do financially was not coming to fruition, it was frustrating. For example, I have read at least 2 books on the power of compounding interest and how valuable it is to get that to work as early on in your life as possible for the simple fact that IT WILL MAKE YOU A SHITLOAD OF MONEY FOR DOING PRACTICALLY NOTHING! And yet this extremely simple step, I hadn’t embarked on yet.

Books
These guys inspire me and drop knowledge: @tonyrobbins and @therealkiyosaki.

So in my nervousness the 1/2 block of airy cadbury chocolate in my pantry, just, “vanished”… into my stomach. Yep, I nervous ate, while watching the video intently. I understood and really enjoyed what they were sharing but at the same time realised I was shitting myself with nervousness cause I hadn’t acted on my knowledge. Not wise. That was on my mind enough that I went straight back into my room picked up ‘Retire Young, Retire Rich’ by Robert Kiyosaki and the Tony Robins book that I hadn’t yet started and read (left) for the next hour or so. I was determined. I was determined to change my mindset so that I could actually make a difference. This leads to today.

I’m not gonna lie it started out great but I’m REALLY a mess right now.

I get up at 4am, journal, reply to some messages and start writing a new verse. By 5:50am I’m out the door on the bike riding to @kevincollett‘s place to shoot hoops. He welcomes me, makes me a cuppa and we’re chatting for a solid 15 minutes before he says, weren’t we supposed to shoot hoops yesterday?
It clicked. I just walked into a mans house at 6am on a week day, technically uninvited to shoot hoops… I’m THAT neighbour kid. *face palm*. Lucky Kev’s the chillest guy out and we still went to shoot hoops and had a rad morning.

I came back home finished writing a verse, read, had lunch, took a nap and put another Gary Vee vid on.

Que nervous feelin’s (This just keeps happening)

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 My feelin’s – @professor_paul

I watched DailyVee 203 with Kyle iSPY. It was genuinely inspiring the talk that they were having about churning out songs. Write it, release and continue. Just to produce content with a slightly less focus on quality. That idea has been on my mind before, and I’ve wanted to achieve it so I certainly got excited. So much that I ran into my room busted open the new rhymes, played them to myself and was thinking I need to finish them ALL! NOW! (rabid rapper frothing at the mouth with rabies… that’s exactly what I looked like). And I noticed, I’m just throwing myself back into the pit of anxiety yet again! Expecting the world in one minute.

Dumb move, bro, chill.

I feel like @Garyvee keeps showing me that I’m in need of some serious re-alignment in my life. Not because I want to be @Garyvee, but because he hits home topics that I’m passionate about, and haven’t been working towards.
I truly thought before watching the video all was good, and then in 10 minutes I’ve lost the plot!

I may be wrong, but I believe this would turn most people off from watching @Garyvee videos if they experienced the emotional roller coaster I’ve taken the last three days. But to be honest, as shit, frustrating and unbelievably annoying it is to feel all shook up on the inside. He’s right. He’s so right. And thanks to him, I have realised what I want to work towards. It’s like jumping in a cold shower, right now I’m screaming!!! But give it some time and I will inevitably adjust.

Quick emotional update. After writing this blog in the peak of my frenzy, I’ve actually settled down, and believe I could make a rational decision. Genuinely I’m amazed. Because not only am I sharing my life with you right now but by vomiting my emotional intestines up I’ve seemed to work my way to some decent conclusions.

Re-evaluate what it is I’m trying to do with my life. Align myself accordingly. And watch more @Garyvee! That’s my direction.

What is it that you’re running from or too scared to face? Is it a serious conversation with your partner/boss, is it admitting that you want to take what you’re doing to the next level? Hit me up in the comments @professorpaulcrawls (Facebook) or on ‘Tooooomato’ (5o’s) (Snapchat) with your answers/stories.

I’ll never stop lovin’ you,
Professor Paul

 

My Creative Struggle – IV

Man, my ears are just poppin’ right now. By poppin’ I mean my head is feeling compressed, and it’s feeling compressed because I am officially on an aeroplane heading back the beautiful BNE.

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Funny story: I was taking pictures of the isle and the air host came along and made me delete them… I shat my pants and I literally made him stand there for 30 seconds to delete 2 photos cause I was fumbling so much. Professor Paul, straight up terrorist/Bad ass. 

This morning I was in bed at 12:30am after having a few drinks at the bar of the Hostel and playing some Jenga with some swaggy Brazilian peeps. It was mad because the blocks were huge and the fall was rather spectacular. However, I was totally set on getting some sleep so I resided.

Before checking out of the Hostel I made use of the pancakes (cause I felt like free food) and ended up running into WHAM! @yvonnechow who I’d met on Friday night when I was gettin’ my boogie on to Hip-Hop tunes (as I tend to do, something just get’s inside my legs and I like to uncontrollably bust it). We chatted and I invited her along to hang with me at my fave cafe @littleroguemelbourne for a coffee and croissant. Dope spot, and I must say I owe it all to Cam from Kiki K (didn’t get her IG, sad face). Her suggestion to check out the blue door in Drewery Lane has seriously inspired my creative resurgence (If I ever run into Cam again, I’m going to hug her). Like I described earlier, the cafe is Star Wars and Hip-Hop influenced with banging coffee (my kinda jam). We headed there and spent the morning just chilling. It was real cool to meet someone from the UK and have a decent conversation, musical tastes were shared and before I knew it I was catching the tram to the airport.

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“Hurry up with my damn croissant” 

One thing I noticed about this trip was how many foreign people I met. I know that I travelled to another Australian city but honestly coming back home I feel like I’ve been doused in European culture. I find myself referring to my shoes as daps, 7:30 as half seven and pronouncing Hostel as Hostil. I genuinely think I’m ready to be Stormzy. Where my polo sock?

In terms of my creativity, I still haven’t engaged in writing today, but I’m not stressing about it. I know that I’m dead keen to get into it and work on my tracks, however I don’t feel like I’m doing it for anyone other than me. I know that I’ve got to nurture myself back to good creative health, and I will admit I’m still a little tender. But I do believe that this experience has helped put me in a better situation than I was a week ago. I definitely owe that to meeting other creatives on this journey. The beauty of going to a place totally unknown and building friendships is so enriching, at least that’s how I’ve felt. Now when I think back to last Monday morning when I hesitated to jump on the plane because of the cost, I definitely think the $1000 was well spent. The fact that my creative self has been enriched to some degree is enough on it’s own.
Next time I think about jumping on a plane I’m going to take it more seriously.

I know that I’d love to travel/tour my music and go round the world with it, but also on a more personal level, travelling’s cool.

My journey has really only just begun, so stay tuned for my next update from Coorparoo, BNE via my social networks.

Peace and love to you,
Professor Paul

(I been getting some incredible responses lately, feel free to hit me up in the comments or a message on my @professorpaulcrawls Facebook page, would love to hear your stories)

My Creative Struggle – III

Howdy homes,

I’m back at it. I’m sitting down by the window of @metroburgers just outside Flinders Street Station. Conveniently located 20 metres from a @Doughnut_Time that’s neon sign is glaring in my glasses and tempting me hard while I’m typing this, so I may just out of the blue change direction in my writing. Don’t mind me I’ll snap back eventually.

Anyway, to catch you up on the last couple days I’ve been doing a fair amount here in Melbourne. As you know I’ve met my friends from Wales but the other afternoon I was finishing up some writing and wasn’t in a particularly good mood. However on my way home from the session I heard a busker I’d run into before who was just freestyling on the street with a cool chilled beat. Intrigued I sat and listened, and while I was there @_bigwords was just doing his thing pulling off a really cool Drake vibe with a caramel flavoured tone (as @_instagav put it!) and I couldn’t help but feel at peace just listening. It was almost comforting, seeing another creative bustin’ his nut for the love of Hip-Hop. It felt incredible. I would’ve been there for 15 minutes or so before WHAM! @puple_chief enters my life, takes a seat right next to me and as we shake hands, slowly we begin to converse with each other. This is about the point where I’ve totally forgotten about how frustrated I was with the writing session and got to really engaging in a great chat with a new buddy.

We chatted for a good while about music, diggin’ deeper he admitted that he is a producer (HELL YEAH!), and before I knew it I was walking around the city with him and his homies, all super into Hip-Hop and dedicated youngens like myself. WHAM @lordshvmmy yes lawd. This trip was really blowing my mind. So that ended up being rather rad in fact and over the next few hours we got into some really deep conversations about knowing your inner-self and how important it is to get to know your inner-self in a world where it isn’t a major priority.

This really set the tone for the rest of my trip I believe. Because focusing on my big goals made more and more sense, which made writing music slightly easier. Or at least when I was spending time doing it, I didn’t feel like it was a huge strain. Ultimately I love it.
Plus I found a cafe @littleroguemelbourne that just truly represents what I’m into. Rap and Star Wars… I could sleep and live off of their croissants and coffee my ENTIRE life. No problem.

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My mums favourite quote. Found it in the toilet @littleroguemelbourne


When they got cool ass Kanye and Jay Z portraits round the place and pop up Star Wars figurines and books in an aesthetically pleasing white and blue colour scheme it truly was a place I wanted to sit and make music in. So, tomorrow I’m going to sit down and spend the rest of my Melbourne time in there writing.

I’ve found that by focusing on my bigger goals, it’s made my anxiety subside which is what I said in the last post.
I truly wonder if it was that easy to overcome my feelings, but as the days keep rolling and I keep creating it seems to have done the trick. Truly I feel like I’m in a slightly better place now than what I was this time last week. I have no idea if the tracks I’m working on will amount to anything at all, but I’m just excited to be creating something. To be part of music. Not to mention I’m in Melbourne a truly kitsch place. I may live here one day even, but I feel this trip is just a taste of what I’m going to get when I visit New York or LA sometime. I’m excited to do it. I’m excited with everything to do with music. I just love. I love what I’m into. It’s hard sometimes, I’m still going to be blown off track, but experiences like these, meeting the people I have, I really want to remember it when I do get shaken up again.

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Amid – “That’s a pidgeon, what the fuck is plus, equals pidgeon?” (Chillin’ with the new gang before Good Friday)


I’ll keep you posted with the journey from here. Creativity is similar to life, never ending and constantly breathing as long as we’re here to bring it to life.

Big or small I love you all.

Professor Paul

p.s. still would love to hear if you’re a creative person struggling, or just a normal person strugglin’ in life. Drop me a skinny or phat comment/email.

My Creative Struggle – II

Welcome homie,

to pick up where I left off, I am still in the glorious city of Melbourne. And I say glorious because my eyes have just been opened to a different kind of living. I love it. So my day began at 5am. I woke and lied in bed as my other hostel roommates were still sleeping. I honestly haven’t been around long enough to actually meet any of the people in my room. A pattern is definitely forming, come home late, get up early and do cool stuff.

Anyway, I decided to trek down to Fitzroy again by foot to journal and grab a coffee. I was up so early that the street of Fitzroy was bare by the time I got there at 6am. So, what else did I have to do? Check out some cool graffiti and sit on a park bench to journal in the cool brisk air that makes a man wish he never had nipples. While I sat there I pondered the events of yesterday, trying to dig further still into my situation of struggling with anxiety. Something truly interesting arose, but I believe I ought to take you back to the unexpected events of last night in order to give better context of my headspace at this point. (And cause well last night was hella fun and I wanna tell ya ’bout it).

Rewind the clock to 5pm Monday the 11th and I’m walking round the city trying to snap a couple cool shots for the blog site I’d just setup, when out of nowhere I meet three dudes from Wales taking shots in a graffiti alleyway. Turns out they came over a few weeks ago and as a team are trying to up their photo game. WHAM, now introducing @_instagav, @_dillinger and @pineapplejamm to my life. After chatting to @_instagav about the shoot they were doing I asked if I could tag along for more of their photo adventure. One thing lead to another and we ended up on a rooftop bar in Melbourne havin’ a pint. Well, the boys were havin’ a pint. I had a pot (yup, I’m that dude). Amongst checking out the views like a lil’ kid I started to get to know my newfound fresh accented friends. They were actually doing some pre-shooting before meeting up with a couple models to take more shots later that night and I was just thinkin’ “this night couldn’t get any cooler”. (literally though).

So we wandered off the roof and hit the streets, tagging along I soaked up being with other creatives as much as I could. These guys were blowing my mind. After the boys tested some locations we met up with WHAM @chelsea.turnerr and @casey.s.ramsey  which involved more walking, more snaps and cool chats. For those that don’t know, I’m a fan of chats. I genuinely enjoy getting to know what others do in this world. Because I live a very specific life sometimes it’s hard to recognise that everybody else lives theirs so differently to my own, I’m rather intrigued. There’s not much more I can say about the experience of last night except I really got lost in it all and by the time we went our different ways it was that time, to grab a treat from @doughnut_time and crash!

Talk about unexpected.

Jump back to me on the bench freezing my nips off in Fitzroy. I’m journalling, and after this cool experience I’m already feeling rather enriched by life, but still there’s a gloom of anxiety present. Although hanging with the new crew distracted me in a good way, it only temporarily solved my problem. So I began discussing with myself what the last few weeks have been like, and I realised that I had failed to pay attention to the big goals in my life. I was getting carried away with seeing what other people were achieving and not setting my sights on what I was planning to achieve. Even though I new I needed to write more music I was losing sight of the end goal, which is to release a full length project. I had pretty much stopped paying attention to my PERSONAL end goals and therefore have been kind of directionless. I don’t know about you but when I feel directionless I get nervous, and when that feeling stays around it grows into anxiety. So I believe this was a rather big find for me. It lead to a bit of digging in terms of what my big goals were and have totally inspired me to make those goals really clear again.

This was incredibly freeing, because without bias I realised what my own goals were and it helped me to channel my energies deeper, and doing this made that voice saying “you’re not doing enough” go away. Because I knew that what I was doing in the day was helping me to build towards those things. Still, I’m uneasy to a degree and it’s early days, but it was a huge step forward.

This all happened before I got an incredible coffee, breakfast and sat in the stunning library to write a new verse. Also treated myself to new Nike’s (admittedly this decision was rather rash… I have a mild weakness for sneaks).

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The perfect remedy for frozen nipples. Plus, check those nuts! Made me dream of what heaven would be like.

 

The day then consisted of meeting up with the boys in Brighton beach, going for a swim in my underwear, because I only brought three shirts and a pair of Jeans to Melbourne (+ plenty of underwear DW). More frozen nips but a good hang non-the less.

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Taken by @_instagav, his gram is literally mind blowing. Stoked that he created this photo of me.

I’ve now decided it’s time to leave Chuckle Park and head home for a sleep.

Who knows what tomorrow holds, I’ll keep ya posted on my progress.

Your homie,
Professor Paul