29/05/17 | 6:22pm
you are amazing. I am stoked to say that my house mate is the best homie out. El Ricko came down today and totally smashed the cleaning of our apartment. Not only did he clean/vacuum (including my bedroom) but he rearranged the lounge room and made me one happy dude. Little things like this are huge to me. I know it sounds like we are in a relationship when I talk about him sometimes and although we’ve been known to share a regular cuddle and a stray kiss it’s totally left at bromance. But I got so much love for this guy.
I wanna talk about that.
It’s something that we all need, and more importantly need to give.
I believe that love is something present in every type of relationship you create with a person. Whether it’s someone you’ve known since birth like your parents, a workmate, or the person at the bus stop with their earphones in we all have some relationship with them and because there’s a relationship, there’s love. Or is there?
I read a book back in 2016 called ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman, and it was a huge insight into relationships for me. At the time I was reading it in hopes of being able to love my girlfriend better, and since the book is lined up for people in serious relationships it may be overlooked as something of value for everybody else. But I believe the concepts are 100 and really can be used in all relationships. So if you’re keen to give some love and really pour into/grow friendships/family connections keep reading and think about these concepts. I guarantee you by doing even one of them it will not make your situation worse.
Gary’s 5 languages:
Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts.
So here’s some examples of these 5 things:
What @rickysaunders did for me was an Act of Service. Without me asking he went ahead and took a load off of my life, and maybe he didn’t realise it but I felt very thankful and loved when he did that. The guy really saved me a lot of time and time is precious to me, so that spoke a million words. Let me stress, this language doesn’t mean you become a slave for someone and become their house made, it means that you show your love to them by taking a load off of their shoulders essentially when they don’t expect it.
It’s something that anyone can do. Is your mum/partner somebody who works really hard all the time and forever fixes the food for the family/cleans the house? Man, she’d proly not know what to do if you gave her some time off, so try cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, it might just be the highlight of her week! But remember, do it without expecting anything in return or making it known that you’re doing it because you’re such a good giver. Sit down, be HUMBLE and give.
Just briefly, Physical Touch is showing your affection through a hug, pats on the back or handshakes (in a relationship it’s like holding hands etc. Sex is a bit more complicated but it lives here too). Words of Affirmation is essentially being positive and encouraging another person with who they are in life right now, pointing out the good qualities in them and emphasising how much they mean to you and the rest of the world (Try hand writing a letter to do this). Quality Time is literally no mobile phones or outside distractions and pure 1 on 1 with a person (walks, dinner, DnM’s, picnic). The last one is Gifts, and really is something you buy/make that you may not like AT ALL! But you buy/make it for your friend/family member because you’ve listened in conversation with them and know it’s something they’d love. I messed this up one time, I bought a caffeine molecule coffee cup to give to my bro Luke, but I ended up keeping it because really I wanted that cup from the start! (And plus, Luke really doesn’t dig chemistry… I kinda do).
The final layer to all this is that everybody receives love differently, rather, they understand some languages better than others. For example, I understand the language Acts of Service quite well and when somebody speaks that language (does an Act of Service for me) I feel extremely loved and appreciated. I believe this is because most of my life I’ve had to be fully independent in fixing my own dinners/lunches, organising my life and not having anyone else around to do it for me, that when someone comes in and says they’ll make me dinner or clean up the house I’m kinda like, what now? You’re going to do that? I thought I had to do that always and forever? The best way to get an idea of your love language is by taking this super short quiz. Once you’ve figured out what languages you understand best share them with your people figure out there’s, because what happens when you speak a language to someone who doesn’t understand it is you run into frustration and sadness very quickly.
To keep this post from reaching exponential lengths I’ve only elaborated on Acts of Services since it’s what happened to me 10 minutes before writing this post. I have barely scraped the surface of this topic too but I hope it’s encouragement to give more of a shit about the people in your life and show that you care. I’m certainly not the best lover out there but 100 want to keep striving for it everyday. Even if you never check this stuff out, what can you do to love more?
I love you,
P.s Love is not supposed to be comfortable. When you give love to someone it can be hard, it can mean that you have to sacrifice your comfort for the betterment of the person you’re giving to. Love comes at a cost, and not always financial.
Feature Photo by @_dyllinger